I don’t get it. I thought I was so much better than I am.
Stbex called to talk to N and C. I got the phone and he was not very nice…ok I wasn’t either.
I hear girls and his current girlfriend in the background. Stab. Stab. Stab. Stab. Stab. Stab. Stab. (did I mention he is in Florida with her? Never did those things with me)
Once I WAS HUNG UP ON I instantly called him back. My impulsively kicked in and I was frantic again. But I stopped. Did not text. Did not call again.
Crumpled on the couch and cried. 30 seconds later I hear, “MOMMY! The pizza is here!”
Oh right. Life. Parenting. Emotions. Twins. Single parent. Abandoned. Pain. Hatred. Questions with no answers. Answers that make no sense to a sane human being.
How can his actions still cause me so much pain? Why can’t he see how much hurt he has caused? I can’t go back to running those thoughts in my head.
Tomorrow is a new day. 24 hours to NOT call,text, freak out. I hate this roller coaster I am on. I want to fast forward to a year from now. I would love to sleep for the next 365 days. But I can’t.
Life. Parenting. Twins. Single parent.