Never in a million years would I ever think I would be here. I thought I would be crawled in my bed forever.
I am in shock to see how far I’ve come from August 2013 to now. Yes counseling and meds help, and the knitting (you should see what I am making now!) helps but I actually feel different.
I don’t get that flood of anger that comes up from the deepest, darkest places of my soul. I get a little nervous if I hear something new, but it fades.
Fades like the memories I had of holding onto hope. Holding on so tightly for the slightest, minuscule chance of saving our marriage.
Fades like the memories of me crying in bed, or at work, or in the car all the time wondering “why?”
Not anymore. I did nothing wrong. I did nothing to deserve this and I DESERVE BETTER. So do my kids.
I am content with my boring little life right now. No crying, no wondering why, no sleepless nights, no trying to get it all figured out.
I can take a deep breathe and exhale. That breath just fades away lile my horrifying memories.