Big red dot.

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Big red dot. That’s what my marriage has come down to.

Red dot on a brown folder.

A big red goose egg.

Cancel.

Dead.

Done.

Zero. 

Stop. Do not go forward. There will be no yellow or green light. STOP. 

 

I went to my lawyers office yesterday to answer a letter from stbex’s lawyer. (gag) She walked in carrying four arms worth of folders, papers and letters all the while managing to balance on her six inch heels. She amazes me! Anyway, she plopped the folders down on the table and pulled mine to my side. “S v. S DIVORCE” with a big red circle next to that. It was like a train wreck. You don’t want to stare but you can’t help yourself. I stared at it. That’s my last name next to that hated word, DIVORCE. My last name next to that big red dot. Why couldn’t the folders at least be pretty? Nothing about this is pretty. Come on–give me something! 

I started to get a knot in my stomach. I hate coming in here, except to have my lawyer validate my feelings. She’s good. REAL good. I know she will try her hardest to get me and the kids out of here and back home to my family.

The big red dot sort of brought some old emotions up for me. Made me sad. For about a second. Then I was ANGRY. I just want out of here. I want to drive home and not have any BIG RED DOTS telling me to STOP.

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