How to kick a dog when it’s down.

~ Jules

25

I went for my interview. Was I supposed to? Who knows what is right or wrong in this vast universe.

I went. I NAILED it. Co-teaching Math to high schoolers. Piece of cake. I had so much fun in that interview. I was myself, energetic, bubbly and answered all of their questions. It’s Special Education and I’ve been doing it for 11 years.

A letter came in the mail yesterday. “Thank you for taking the time to interview for this position but we have chosen to give it to another candidate.”

I wasn’t sure (before I got the letter) if I REALLY wanted it. I was bummed because that opportunity (for now) to move back home with my kids isn’t there.

Is it a sign that I should stay for at least another year? Move 20 minutes away to the next town instead of 2.5 hours  away from their father?

I am so indecisive that my brain literally hurts.

I can’t sleep at night.

It’s all I think about.

I’m sure all of my friends are frankly sick and tired of hearing about it.

I need to stop.

I need to remember to take one day at a time.

Like right now. I have to read a Living Environment Regent’s Exam to some kids this afternoon. That’s all I should be concerned with.

WALK WHEN WALKING.

 

 

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11 thoughts on “How to kick a dog when it’s down.”

  1. I hear you. I so hear you. Personally I would go with the clean break every time. It’s the one thing my college boyfriend taught me. Hang in there.

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      1. I know, I know. I’m just trying to encourage you to keep looking. Personally if we had split I was planning to move to the other coast, 5 hours flight away and on the other side of a sizeable desert. Whether I could have is a hypothetical. You can only put one foot after another. It’s the only way to get from A to B. You’re doing great.

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  2. God shut that door, but is that the only job available in the whole town? At this point you have to evaluate your situation and your mental health. Will moving closer to your family actually help you physically and emotionally? Will your family be there to help with the children? If so then you need to seriously consider it. If you are moving to get away from your situation and to be in close proximity to family with no other real benefits then stay put.

    You have to move for the right reasons. Your troubles will follow you wherever you go. Make a decision then accept it. Then focus on you and your mental health!

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    1. You’re right…That ONE door has shut. I applied for others but I worry if that drastic of a move is needed right now. Yes, I will have SO MUCH MORE support at home. Friends, family, etc.
      Will my mental health be better if I moved 20 mins away? Who knows.
      I can’t make a decision to save my life.

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      1. Make a list of pros and cons. Will having more support help everyone including your children? I don’t see moving 2.5 hours to have family support as drastic. I see moving across country or to another country as drastic.

        They always say don’t make a decision while under duress. Maybe you shouldn’t do anything now. Stay put until you feel more confident. You don’t need to move your children twice.

        I can only speak from experience. My parents have stepped in and are filling the gap. They live an hour away and we are there or they are here. They help balance the chaos and give my boys the support they need. So I am bias when it comes to family.

        Last thing, I make all my decisions through prayer. If I made decisions based on my own understanding I would fail. So, I will pray for your wisdom and peace. Feeling confused and overwhelmed is normal when going through a crisis. So take your time and breathe!

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  4. I too am faced with these decisions -work versus family support – and the choice is not as easy as they say. I think the answer is to find ways of finding joy in your present situation while still calmly (easier said than done) working behind the scenes at your dreams and moving to where you want to be for your long-term happiness. By that, I mean do not get dragged down by only looking at the negatives of your current situation. This will drive you crazy. You need to be able to find some calmness in the here and now yet still strive for a better tomorrow.

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What do you think?