No time

Penguins

I was able to catch up with two girlfriends from college today. Between kids, swimming, diapers and feedings, we were able to spend a wonderful day together.

It was like no time had passed at all. It’s like we just pick up right where we left off. They all know about my stbex. (We all went to college together)

We RARELY talked about him.

I RARELY spoke about him.

He isn’t the topic of my conversation anymore. Yes there were some questions, but nothing that I felt that I needed to rehash, blast or spew.

Just a few here and there.

Has it been so long since I dragged his name around in the mud with my friends? Has the need to want to bash him to my girls disappeared?

The pain is still there. It hit me today as a picture popped in my head of him and his girlfriend. I tried so badly to get it out. Eventually it left,  and I was ok. The pain will always be there in some way.

My girls know that he is a complete and utter moron. They know EVERYTHING. I don’t need to talk about him. I don’t want to talk about him. I don’t have this constant nagging need to let all my friends know how much of an asshole he is. He’s done that on his own.

It is so nice to know that I have a close group of friends (high school, college and beyond…FEW close friends…) where we have plenty to talk about and it doesn’t have to be him. I watch them with their babies and I realize that we have all changed since college. We have all grown into our own and raising children of our own. Me single; the rest married. Happily. In November we are ALL (5 of us) getting together. It will DEFINITELY be as if no time has passed since our beach vacation last summer. I have really relied on my friends since December without even realizing it. They listened to me cry, vent, cry, scream, sob sob, bitch. And I’ve never really thanked them. THANK YOU.

Thank you for just letting me get it all out. Thank you for always having a response to my constant and repetitive questions of “why”. Thank you for having my back. Thank you for making me realize that I do not deserve this; neither do my children.  Thank you for making me feel part of something; part of something that is bigger than us all.

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