Headcase.

I am so quick to jump to conclusions. I did it again.

I got an apology last night. From a guy. What guys apologize? My stbex NEVER apologized if he hurt me, if he was wrong, if he told me the sky was purple.

I got about eight text messages with not just an apology, but feelings as well. WHAT? Men have feelings? Since when?

I thought they were supposed to bottle them up, push them down, stuff them in the closet until they were forgotten about, moldy and eventually turned to dust. That’s what I’ve known for so long. If I want ANY relationship to work, I need to make a conscious effort to change that about myself. I can’t keep assuming, accusing, deleting, running away, becoming anxious.

Should I go on?

I still have a wall up.

Guard up.

Reminders of the past that caused me so much pain.

Heartache.

If I let someone in, will I get hurt again?

If I don’t let someone in, will I ever know if it was real or not?

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