Talons

I feel like my life is constantly riding the breaks. My mind is the operator. Smooth sailing for a while then BAM slam on the brakes.

I want to start so much in my life. For some reason, my mind won’t let me. Let me? Release me? Release me from the mental talons of its unruly grip on my life.

I want to start to meditate.

I want to start to workout again.

I want to keep up with my blog again.

I want to have joy in my life.

I want.

I want to be happy.

But do I deserve all of those things?

I try to set goals for myself but for some reason that I cannot figure out, I cannot start them.

Lately I’ve been finding myself rotting in front of the tv or just sleeping.

Depression. Medication. I’m on it. Lots of it. I’ll never be able to get off of them.

I need to start doing things for myself. When I don’t have my kids, I usually sleep that time away until they’re back. What kind of life is that? These talons are digging deeper and deeper into mind and soul. How do I loosen their grip? It’s starting to slowly kill me.

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One thought on “Talons

  1. I still go through days like that and it is hard fighting against the pain.
    I have found choosing just one thing to do, rather than contemplating an overwhelming list, does help me on those days – then I get back to the list when I feel better 🙂

    Like

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