One day at a time…


That has been my mantra since I dug myself out of the suffocating and exhausting vortex of pain. For months I was stuck in this swirling tornado of emotions. 

My whole world was sucked into this monster and spit out far away from anything that I had hoped for. I was always worrying about the future. Never living in the now.

It has taken me a while to stop my mind from perseverating on “what will be.” I have somehow blocked (or killed) any thoughts or notions of my desire and hope for a healthy marriage. The thought doesn’t even really cross my mind anymore. Have I accepted it? Yes, I have moments where I fall back into some emotional sand storm, but I come out quicker than before. I have to “get through” the emotions because there is no way “around them.” (If my stbex worked through his emotions we wouldn’t be in this mess)

I was talking to my father yesterday and he said to me; “What do you think is going to happen LONG TERM? Do you think you’ll be living there? Moving?”

My response? “Dad, I am only worrying about May 18th 2014. Then tomorrow, I will only be worrying about May 19th, 2014 and so on.”

I can’t predict the future. I can’t think about the future. I can only think about this day. What are my jobs today? Get up, get the kids out the door, teach the youth of America, pick up kids, make memories with kids, kiss them hug them love them. Today. 

I will think about tomorrow when it comes. 

“Do not dwell in the past, do not dream of the future, concentrate the mind on the present moment.”

-Siddhartha Gautama


Messages from the other side.

Yes I believe in psychics. Especially mine. She’s not only a psychic but she’s a medium, reiki master, certified counselor and teacher.  I will call her C.

I met with C yesterday to chat. My soon to be ex’s mother INSTANTLY came through.

“She has two words for you. THOROUGHLY DISGUSTED.”
I always hear from her. That helped me grieve over the years.

She also comes through to me in my dreams and just stares at me. That’s because “she doesn’t know what to say.” I know for a fact that if she was still alive NONE of this would have ever happened. “She said she would ring his neck.” That is the truth.

My stbex never grieved his mothers death and that is the root of our problems. It is sad to me and his mom.

C says that this is the FIRST time in five years that she is “good with me.”  She knows that karma is a bitch. I do too. They’ll get theirs.

She sees good things for me. Moving back to my hometown, buying my own house and getting a new teaching job. New faces and places. But mostly familiar. Home.

I have our session on a cd. I wish I could post it here. Lots of laughter and f-bombs.

I apologize to anyone who follows my blog who doesn’t believe in psychics. I respect your opinion and I can only ask the same from you!  xo