wounds

Turn your wounds into words.

A dear friend is going through a difficult time in her life…I knew the feeling. I knew the angst, the sadness, the anger. I knew. I knew how she felt and I knew how to help her.

Pain is our greatest teacher.  We go through horrific experiences feeling as if we are not going to make it out on the other side. We aren’t going to make it. We are going to stop breathing, stop living and curl up in a ball and die. However, it doesn’t happen that way.

Pain teaches us so much about ourselves. We actually DO come out of those experiences wiser, stronger, more in tune with our authentic, real self. I wouldn’t believe it either if I didn’t experience it first hand.

I experienced pain first hand. Looking back, it was the best experience of my life. I know who I am, I know what I want, I am stronger than ever.

I know how to help my friend.

“Write, write, write”! I told her.  I explained that blogging throughout my pain was very therapeutic. Word dumps. Get it out. Cut open your heart and let all the words bleed onto this blank piece of “paper”.

She did.

She’s done a few posts (Link to her page here) and I can already tell that it’s helping. She’s a phenomenal writer and you’d be crazy not to follow her words.

I am grateful that I was able to share this blogging with her. It’s going to do amazing things for her!

 

…. and I’m back.

In counseling.
I haven’t been here in a while. I thought I had my shit together. It’s amazing how much you need someone to help you get back on track.

My therapist is amazing.  Amazing.

I can be myself around her.  She gets me.  It’s like she’s lived inside my head and can sift through the twists and turns of my psyche. 

Amazing. 

I need to be back here.  I’m starting to fall off the “I’m strong now.  I can handle this”  wagon.

I felt a lot of rage today.  Stbex. His whore.  The problems.  The death of a vision I once had. 

It’s all sad to me again. As I am sitting here in her waiting room,  I could cry all over again. 

I need her to clean out the gunk and messed up shit that’s floating around my brain.  Heal the battle wounds,  patch up my lacerations,  give me a good dose of medicine  (aka reality check)  and send me on my way.

I’ll be back again next week.  And probably the week after that. 

And so my life goes on.  One day at a time.  But these past few days have felt like I’m walking in a battlefield and no guns are dropped.  The bullets keep flying and I have no where to go except through them.

Amazing.

I let the cat out of the bag.

I shared with some close friends today that I started keeping a blog. I was honestly worried about what they would think.

Some desperate attempt at getting attention? (No.)

Blasting my stbex online in an open public forum? (No way. Ok….sometimes)

Putting my thoughts out there for the world to see an possibly connect with strangers who might be going through the same thing? (Absolutely)

Basic journaling with a pen and notebook wasn’t working for me anymore. I stumbled upon two blogs that really drew me in.

http://mustbethistalltoride.com/

and

Homepage

One led to the other one…I enjoy them both and thought to myself “I have a story to tell. I should do it here.”

I started this blog in December 2010. Never picked it back up until April 7 2014.

It seems that major life changes always hurl me into different ways of expressing myself.

Knitting

Working out (I used to be skinny…)

Journaling

Going to counseling

Now this blog. This has really helped me get my thoughts out and get instant responses from people around the world. I wish we all lived closer so we could meet and have a drink or two! (or tea, whatever you like…)

It felt really good to get the feedback that I got today at work about my blog. I wasn’t expecting such a positive response. I read some of my posts out loud and they laughed! (When they were supposed to…at my jokes…)

They were impressed and it felt good.

It made me smile.

Maybe I should let the cat out of the bag more often!

xo