Finances. What a pain in the you know what. 

I separated my finances from our joint account. We have automatic bill payment for some and I was unaware of when those bills were going out. Stbex was in Florida vacationing and didn’t tell me that they were going out. If I knew they were going out, I would have transferred my half into our joint. Still with me here?

Stbex gets paid ONCE a month. The beginning. All the bills went out and he has ZERO money. He emailed me an itemized list of my half of the bills. “You owe me $1500.00 and I am giving you two pay periods to get it back to me.”


I gave him $500 when I got paid last. He told me that his bills were $250. Those of us who can subtract (or divide) would know that would leave him with how much?

Let’s see…. $500-$250= $250

Let’s try it another way.. $500/2= $250

So you see, boys and girls, that would leave him with $250.00 to spend. Last weekend he spent money on his Alumni Golf Tournament that he “had to play in.”

Now he has no money to buy the kids birthday presents. They turn six on Saturday, party on Sunday. 

NOT MY PROBLEM. I told him that I will be buying EVERYTHING for their birthday from the bounce house to the cups. He can subtract that amount from my “bill.”

“But I have zero money!!!” 

The kids won’t have a gift from you but you made sure you played golf.  Nice.

Am I wrong? Should I be feeling bad for this S.O.B for putting his needs first? NO. I shouldn’t. Next thing you know I will be getting a letter from his lawyer. 

I will be giving him a SMALL (read that again folks, SMALL) amount from my paycheck on Friday. SMALL. I have bills to pay and a birthday party to fund. I’m only a teacher. I certainly don’t teach for the paycheck. 

I am getting anxious just thinking about it because I am afraid of what he is going to do next. I know he will call his lawyer and throw some nasty crap my way. (Sorry, I couldn’t think of a better word than CRAP.)

This weekend will be quite interesting.

My mother has not spoken to him since Christmas.

My father? Who knows. He saved my fathers life when they were golfing six years ago. Dropped dead. CPR and defib and he brought him back to life. My father thought he walked on water. NOT anymore. You can bet the farm that my father will be there as well.

Not only my family, but friends of mine who USED to be his friends. People who he now calls “bad influences on the kids.” NOW.

Now, things are different. There will be so much tension in the air at the party on Sunday that I am going to need to take a Xanax. YES!! I totally forgot that I had some. I have to. I will be cordial. Not angry or mean. It’s the kids party! My babies are going to be SIX!

My heart hasn’t stopped racing since this conversation over text messaging started. I thought writing it out would help. Maybe I need to pick up my knitting needles….



The phone call.

I don’t get it. I thought I was so much better than I am.

Stbex called to talk to N and C. I got the phone and he was not very nice…ok I wasn’t either.

I hear girls and his current girlfriend in the background. Stab. Stab. Stab. Stab. Stab. Stab. Stab. (did I mention he is in Florida with her? Never did those things with me)

Once I WAS HUNG UP ON I instantly called him back. My impulsively kicked in and I was frantic again. But I stopped. Did not text. Did not call again.

Crumpled on the couch and cried. 30 seconds later I hear, “MOMMY! The pizza is here!”

Oh right. Life. Parenting. Emotions. Twins. Single parent. Abandoned.  Pain. Hatred. Questions with no answers. Answers that make no sense to a sane human being.

How can his actions still cause me so much pain? Why can’t he see how much hurt he has caused? I can’t go back to running those thoughts in my head.

Tomorrow is a new day. 24 hours to NOT call,text, freak out.  I hate this roller coaster I am on. I want to fast forward to a year from now.  I would love to sleep for the next 365 days. But I can’t.

Life. Parenting. Twins. Single parent.