Am I free?

I learned a lot of disgusting details of my stbex this weekend. I didn’t get angry, I just got a little shaky when I was listening to some new news of his “antics.” 

But I didn’t freak out. I didn’t care. Am I free from that emotional jail? Have I finally detached myself from him? I do not speak to him or look at him when he comes over. I think that’s really helped me. I will continue to do that.  I can’t even sit in the same room to discuss finances. I leave that up to my lawyer.

I DID, however, text him that I was learning new details about something that I was lied to about. Of course, he got mad and is going to confront anyone that talks about him. Ok. Good luck with that. The people that talk are the people who USED to think you were a great guy. Who USED to be your friend. Who dislike you now. And are on my side. 

I woke up this morning and sent him a text. I told him that I don’t love him like I used to. The stories I hear about him do not hurt me anymore. I told him that I am not in my emotional jail anymore and that all I care about is me and the kids. It was very freeing.

Will I slip back into moments of weakness? Sadness? I am 100% sure. But hearing what I heard last night made it really easy for me to wake up with a smile on my face. 

I let the cat out of the bag.

I shared with some close friends today that I started keeping a blog. I was honestly worried about what they would think.

Some desperate attempt at getting attention? (No.)

Blasting my stbex online in an open public forum? (No way. Ok….sometimes)

Putting my thoughts out there for the world to see an possibly connect with strangers who might be going through the same thing? (Absolutely)

Basic journaling with a pen and notebook wasn’t working for me anymore. I stumbled upon two blogs that really drew me in.

http://mustbethistalltoride.com/

and

Homepage

One led to the other one…I enjoy them both and thought to myself “I have a story to tell. I should do it here.”

I started this blog in December 2010. Never picked it back up until April 7 2014.

It seems that major life changes always hurl me into different ways of expressing myself.

Knitting

Working out (I used to be skinny…)

Journaling

Going to counseling

Now this blog. This has really helped me get my thoughts out and get instant responses from people around the world. I wish we all lived closer so we could meet and have a drink or two! (or tea, whatever you like…)

It felt really good to get the feedback that I got today at work about my blog. I wasn’t expecting such a positive response. I read some of my posts out loud and they laughed! (When they were supposed to…at my jokes…)

They were impressed and it felt good.

It made me smile.

Maybe I should let the cat out of the bag more often!

xo