“You’re having two, didn’t you know?”

No! We didn’t know. That was on November 18th 2007. Twins run in my family. I wouldn’t have it ANY OTHER WAY.

I had my palm read years ago and the man said I was going to have twins. That was in 2005.

Here I am, 9 years later, sitting in the car with my kids who are almost six. C, my girl, is going on and on about My Little Pony. N, my son, is quietly playing with his toy, taking it all in.

She has been the alpha twin since the day they were born. She was 3.2 lbs and he was 4.10. They are now 35 and 45 lbs, respectively.

She’s my spitfire, he’s my sensitive one.

I am jealous of their relationship…is that weird to say?

They are everything to me…

Irrational Rationality

This sums up how I am feeling at this moment. I am literally screaming through text messages. My chickens have flown the coop.

Why?

I never get the answers I want or deserve. All it does is make me angry. Sad. Defeated.

Go ahead. Leave with your girlfriend to Florida.

We are still legally married.

My washing machine is broken.

So am I.

Not my circus….

 

I love this saying. I have to keep reminding myself that the people that are in my life, and their choices, are not my problem.

It’s a constant battle because I’m a fighter. I want what was promised to me. I want him to feel what I feel.

But you can’t fix stupid.

The chickens leave the coop

My chickens flew the coop this morning….darn birds.

Mindfulbalance

Feelings arise within the state of calm. The mind is experiencing feelings and calm at the same time, without being disturbed. When there is calm like this, there are no harmful consequences. Problems occur when the chicken gets out of the coop.  For instance you may be watching the breath entering and leaving and then forget yourself, allowing the mind to wander away from the breath, back home, off to the shops or any number of different places. Perhaps even a half hour may pass before you suddenly realize that you’re supposes to be practicing meditation and you reprimand yourself for your lack of mindfulness. This is where you have to be really careful because this is where the chicken gets out of the coop – the mind leaves its base of calm.

Ajahn Chah, What’s What

photo erik christensen

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